Somewhere Inside It's Still Nina
by Griselda Banks
Summary: Oneshot. Nina Elric hears her father singing one day, and goes to investigate. Who is this other Nina?


**Author's Note: This little thing is based around a fan-made song called "Nina's Life" (sorry, I don't know who made it! ;_;). I saw an AMV of it, and both the song and video were so tragic it brought tears to my eyes. Simplistically tragic stuff does that to me. When talking about it to the friend who showed the AMV to me, she mentioned that she wondered what my character Nina Elric would think if she heard the song. Hence, this short fic. I wanted it to sound like a four-year-old, even though I was writing in third-person, so you can tell me how I did at that.**

_For NewMoonFlicker, to prove to her that I really don't forget anything she says._

Nina Elric slowly climbed the stairs to the upper floor of the white house, carefully putting both feet on each step before reaching up for the next one. She was four, and Mommy said she was big enough to walk up the stairs without hanging onto the railing, so she always tried to keep her hands off it when she went up and down the stairs. Mommy had said that when talking to the neighbor lady, and there had been such a proud sound in her voice when she'd said it! It was like, "My little Nina is something special, isn't she? She's such a big girl!" Nina liked it when Mommy said she was a big girl. 'Cause she had to be one, to help when Daddy and Uncle Al were gone on their trips.

Nina reached the top of the stairs and let out a breath of relief. Several times, she had felt like she was going to fall down, but she hadn't. If she made it all the way down like that, she could go running to Mommy and tell her. For a moment, Nina stood in the quiet upstairs hallway, and she couldn't remember why she had come over here. Mommy and Trish were in the yellow house doing laundry. Well, Trish couldn't do much besides towels and stuff, but Mommy always said that was a big help.

Clothespins! That was what she came to get! Mommy wasn't sure if they'd have enough, so she had to run over and get some out of the big Boo Row in Mommy and Daddy's room. Nina started down the hall, her footsteps muffled in the carpet. She didn't know why Mommy called it a Boo Row when Daddy called it a dresser. Dresser was easier to say anyways.

When she neared the door to Mommy and Daddy's room, Nina thought she heard a sound, so she stopped and listened real hard. She thought nobody was in the white house; usually nobody was during the day. There, she heard it again! Singing, coming from Mommy and Daddy's room. Nina crept closer to the door, which stood ajar, and strained to hear. Suddenly, she froze. Was that her name? Was somebody calling her? No, wait. It was the singing.

"Nina.... Somewhere inside, it's still Nina...."

Nina peeked through the half-open door into the room. She could see the corner of the bed, and the big front window, and in front of the window the rocking chair Mommy sometimes sat in. But this time it wasn't Mommy sitting there. It was Daddy. For a moment, Nina thought Daddy looked funny sitting in the rocking chair like that, but almost as soon as it had come the humor faded away. Daddy was rocking slowly, gazing out the window and _singing._ Mommy sometimes sang, but Daddy almost never unless he was trying to make Mommy roll her eyes and laugh. But this singing wasn't the usual funny-sounding kind. It sounded real sad.

"Drawings to show me the way that you're feeling," Daddy sang softly, the rocking chair creaking in time. "Sleep on the floor in the evening.... Alive at the end of the day."

Nina thought it sounded kinda nice. She wished Daddy would sing serious like this more often.

"Good morning.... Remember to blow out the candles.... There's a look in his eyes I can't handle.... Rose petals all blown away...."

The words weren't really that sad, Nina decided. It was just his voice that made them seem like that.

"Nina.... Somewhere inside, it's still Nina...."

There. That was the part she liked. Was he singing about her? She made drawings to show him what she felt like, and sometimes she _did_ fall asleep on the floor in front of the fire after supper.

"Somewhere inside, it's still Nina.... I won't let them take you away...."

Take her away? Who was gonna take her away? Nobody could take her away from the house. Mommy and Daddy wouldn't let them. Daddy would use his alchemy and kick their butts! That's what Daddy said, though Mommy always said, "Ed! Really!" when he did.

"Somewhere inside, it's still Nina.... Somewhere inside, it's still Nina.... Nina, I don't want to say.... Goodbye...." And suddenly, Daddy made a choking sound and stopped singing.

For a moment, the room was silent. Then Nina's eyes widened to hear a crying sound. Was that Daddy? She looked at the back of his head over the top of the rocking chair and saw that it was shaking. Nina felt bad inside. For a moment she stood there, not knowing what to do, then she slipped through the doorway and tiptoed over to Daddy. He was clutching an old photograph, one of those black and white ones, and yes, sure enough, there were tears running down his cheeks.

"Daddy?" she said tentatively.

He jumped and looked up in surprise, his eyes still streaming.

Nina reached out hesitant fingers to his arm on the arm of the rocking chair. "Are you hurting somewhere?"

Daddy made a strange gulping sound and pulled his daughter into a tight hug. "I'm...at the end of the line here...Nina."

Nina didn't understand, but she wrapped her little arms around Daddy's big chest and closed her eyes, breathing in his comforting smell. Daddy cried for a while, but then he quieted and lifted Nina the rest of the way into his lap. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve and started to rock again.

"Did I...ever tell you where you got your name?" he finally asked, in a weird voice like when he got a cold.

Nina shook her head silently, her vague fears drifting away in the lulling motion of the rocking chair.

Daddy looked down at her and smiled a watery smile, then showed her the picture in his hand. There was a boy with a golden braid, and a huge suit of armor, and a little girl with long brown braids and a huge smile. Then Nina gasped. "That's the armor in the study!"

"Sure is," Daddy chuckled, starting to sound more like himself. "That was your Uncle Al, years and years ago. The little guy is me."

Nina looked in amazement at the boy, grinning with one arm around the little girl. He didn't have a beard or glasses, so she could hardly believe that was Daddy once upon a time. "Who's the girl?" she asked.

"Nina," he murmured.

Nina looked up, then frowned in confusion. Was he talking to her?

Daddy smiled, but his eyes were sad. "The little girl in the picture was named Nina. Uncle Al and I were staying at her house for a while before I became a State Alchemist. She was the sweetest little girl you could imagine." He turned his head to look out the window, as if he was looking for her out there. "Always so cheerful, even when things were tough. From the day we met, she called me Little Big Brother. And that was true. She became like a little sister to me. We'd play together...laugh...have great times. I was so happy there...but I should have known nothing lasts forever."

For some reason, Daddy was still smiling, but he'd started crying again. "We were only there for several weeks, and at the end...she died." His voice got all weird and shaky again, and Nina felt cold inside. Dead was like when Uncle Al's cat stopped moving and they buried it by the river. Dead meant that you were never coming back.

"And I couldn't save her," Daddy continued, voice trembling. "I blundered around, and I wasn't even there for her at the end." He stopped for a bit to cover his face with his hand and breathe shakily. Then he started talking again. "When she died...I suddenly realized...for the first time...how precious this life is. And everyone I love...is going to die sometime. So...we have to treasure this life while we're here."

He looked over at Nina again and put his hand on top of her head. "And when you were born...you were so beautiful. So precious. I was afraid I would lose you. So I decided I would treasure the time we have together. And that's why...I named you Nina." He held her close again. "And you'll never be that other Nina. But I don't want you to be. I just want you to be _my_ little Nina, forever."

He kissed her forehead and kept on rocking. And Nina sat in his arms, her head against his chest, listening to his heart thumping beneath her. Daddy started humming the tune of the song he had just sung, and Nina Tucker's song lulled Nina Elric to sleep.


End file.
